2.34 Black Christmas (1974)

The 1974 Bob Clark classic! A sorority house is being stalked by a killer lurking in the attic on Christmas. The glistening star that brightly shines atop our Christmas tree, the birth of our dear genre as we know it, and the three wise(ass) men to walk you through it. And really, WHAT YOUR MOTHER AND I MUST KNOW IS…why do we keep remaking great movies? Grab that bottle of booze hidden in your toilet, cancel your other phone line, and make sure you lock your attic windows because we are about to have ourselves a bloody little Black Christmas.

Theme by Protector 101. Listen at Bandcamp.

Logo Artwork by David De Forne.

2.33 Elves

DE ELFEN HOUTEN LEVEN! God creates elves, Nazis destroy God, Nazis create elves. Kirstin is just your average teenage thirty-something but her lineage harbors a dark secret. It is said that on Christmas Eve, the master race will be brought forth by the consummation of a genetically-engineered Elf and a perfectly inbred human host—that is, unless ex-detective Dan Haggerty has anything to say about it! Grab a carton of Marlboro’s, sketch some Art Deco boobs, and steal your dadpa’s grimoire because we are about conjure up some Elves.

Theme by Protector 101. Listen at Bandcamp.

Logo Artwork by David De Forne.

2.32 Prancer

Merry Christmas? Trashing Through the Snow returns with a joyless, depressing alternate timeline where the holidays are filled with blue collar suffering and sad, sunken-eyed adults. Join us as we follow little Jessica Riggs, who attempts to nurse an injured reindeer back to health because she’s convinced it’s one of Santa’s eight loyal reindeer. Is the reindeer really magical? Does this movie ever convey the spirit of Christmas? Do reindeer really sound like a screaming, pitch-shifted Sam Worthington? Will Charnetski the Brown ever leave Granny Van Daam’s sex dungeon? Feed a reindeer five pounds of Christmas cookies, write an incriminating letter to Santa, and pray to God your orchard turns around, because we’re about to fall headfirst out of a tree onto Prancer!

Theme by Protector 101. Listen at Bandcamp.

Logo Artwork by Davey “The Scaredy Cat” De Forne.