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1.38 Home Alone 4: Taking Back The House

In an alternate timeline that acknowledges previous events that couldn’t have possibly happened, bizarro Kevin McCallister has to stop French Stewart from kidnapping a prince. Grab that piggy bank, a toy spy kit, and your transitional object because we are about to be clobbered by something worse than an iron to the face—Home Alone 4: Taking Back The House.

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1.37 Holiday Switch

From the black pit of Lifetime, a Christmas movie made for no one, has been spewed forth into our reality. Nicole Eggert is a garbage human being who doesn’t appreciate anything. After rooting through a pile of laundry 10 feet high and complaining about how awful her life is, she cracks her fragile dome on her washing machine. She is then transported into an alternate life of wealth and prescription drugs. Build yourself a popsicle stick reindeer and put on that $1,200 red dress because we are about to husband swap with Holiday Switch.

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1.36 The Christmas That Almost Wasn’t

When mustache twirling bad guy, Phineas T. Prune, buys the North Pole and threatens to evict Santa, jolly ol’ Saint Nick has only one option: get the rent money before Christmas! Thankfully, everyone central to the plot lives in the same location. With the help of broke man-child lawyer, Sam Whipple, and a song for every situation you can imagine, Kris Kringle must become the original mall Santa to save Christmas. So, practice your ho ho ho’s, play with some toys, and think to yourself, just think, think, THINK, because this is The Christmas That Almost Wasn’t.

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1.35 Santa’s Slay

Bill Goldberg loses a game of curling against a dime store Christopher Lloyd and is forced to give presents to children every year on December 25th. After the bet wager is decidedly paid up, Goldberg returns to his historic holiday havoc and flips it into high gear—starting with Fran Drescher. Kicking off our month of “Trashing Through the Snow” with a real shining star upon the highest bough, grab some deli meats, a curling stone, and your grandfather’s book of Norse mythology because your chimney’s about to be blown out by Santa’s Slay. WHO’S NEXT?!

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