2.35 Season Two Finale

Dread it, run from it…Season 3 arrives just the same. In time you will know what it’s like to watch Pluto Nash…or Elves. To feel so desperately like you want to pull a bag over your own head like in Black Christmas. The hardest choices require the strongest wills, but we made it through 2019 and nobody got turned into dust or killed by an anti-matter wave. Do we feel good about our choices? Did we change our minds? Did Granny Van Daam run away with 2019 or will she play second fiddle to a growing roster of MDU wizards? So grab literally anything from this year’s trash heap and get cozy on this brand spankin’ New Year’s day as we reflect on Movie Dumpster season 2! Cue flashback sequence.

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Logo Artwork by David De Forne.

2.34 Black Christmas (1974)

The 1974 Bob Clark classic! A sorority house is being stalked by a killer lurking in the attic on Christmas. The glistening star that brightly shines atop our Christmas tree, the birth of our dear genre as we know it, and the three wise(ass) men to walk you through it. And really, WHAT YOUR MOTHER AND I MUST KNOW IS…why do we keep remaking great movies? Grab that bottle of booze hidden in your toilet, cancel your other phone line, and make sure you lock your attic windows because we are about to have ourselves a bloody little Black Christmas.

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Logo Artwork by David De Forne.

2.33 Elves

DE ELFEN HOUTEN LEVEN! God creates elves, Nazis destroy God, Nazis create elves. Kirstin is just your average teenage thirty-something but her lineage harbors a dark secret. It is said that on Christmas Eve, the master race will be brought forth by the consummation of a genetically-engineered Elf and a perfectly inbred human host—that is, unless ex-detective Dan Haggerty has anything to say about it! Grab a carton of Marlboro’s, sketch some Art Deco boobs, and steal your dadpa’s grimoire because we are about conjure up some Elves.

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Logo Artwork by David De Forne.

2.32 Prancer

Merry Christmas? Trashing Through the Snow returns with a joyless, depressing alternate timeline where the holidays are filled with blue collar suffering and sad, sunken-eyed adults. Join us as we follow little Jessica Riggs, who attempts to nurse an injured reindeer back to health because she’s convinced it’s one of Santa’s eight loyal reindeer. Is the reindeer really magical? Does this movie ever convey the spirit of Christmas? Do reindeer really sound like a screaming, pitch-shifted Sam Worthington? Will Charnetsky the Brown ever leave Granny Van Daam’s sex dungeon? Feed a reindeer five pounds of Christmas cookies, write an incriminating letter to Santa, and pray to God your orchard turns around, because we’re about to fall headfirst out of a tree onto Prancer!

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Logo Artwork by David De Forne.

1.38 Home Alone 4: Taking Back The House

In an alternate timeline that acknowledges previous events that couldn’t have possibly happened, bizarro Kevin McCallister has to stop French Stewart from kidnapping a prince. Grab that piggy bank, a toy spy kit, and your transitional object because we are about to be clobbered by something worse than an iron to the face—Home Alone 4: Taking Back The House.

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1.37 Holiday Switch

From the black pit of Lifetime, a Christmas movie made for no one, has been spewed forth into our reality. Nicole Eggert is a garbage human being who doesn’t appreciate anything. After rooting through a pile of laundry 10 feet high and complaining about how awful her life is, she cracks her fragile dome on her washing machine. She is then transported into an alternate life of wealth and prescription drugs. Build yourself a popsicle stick reindeer and put on that $1,200 red dress because we are about to husband swap with Holiday Switch.

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1.36 The Christmas That Almost Wasn’t

When mustache twirling bad guy, Phineas T. Prune, buys the North Pole and threatens to evict Santa, jolly ol’ Saint Nick has only one option: get the rent money before Christmas! Thankfully, everyone central to the plot lives in the same location. With the help of broke man-child lawyer, Sam Whipple, and a song for every situation you can imagine, Kris Kringle must become the original mall Santa to save Christmas. So, practice your ho ho ho’s, play with some toys, and think to yourself, just think, think, THINK, because this is The Christmas That Almost Wasn’t.

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1.35 Santa’s Slay

Bill Goldberg loses a game of curling against a dime store Christopher Lloyd and is forced to give presents to children every year on December 25th. After the bet wager is decidedly paid up, Goldberg returns to his historic holiday havoc and flips it into high gear—starting with Fran Drescher. Kicking off our month of “Trashing Through the Snow” with a real shining star upon the highest bough, grab some deli meats, a curling stone, and your grandfather’s book of Norse mythology because your chimney’s about to be blown out by Santa’s Slay. WHO’S NEXT?!

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Logo Artwork by David De Forne