1.35 Santa’s Slay

Bill Goldberg loses a game of curling against a dime store Christopher Lloyd and is forced to give presents to children every year on December 25th. After the bet wager is decidedly paid up, Goldberg returns to his historic holiday havoc and flips it into high gear—starting with Fran Drescher. Kicking off our month of “Trashing Through the Snow” with a real shining star upon the highest bough, grab some deli meats, a curling stone, and your grandfather’s book of Norse mythology because your chimney’s about to be blown out by Santa’s Slay. WHO’S NEXT?!

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1.34 Home Sweet Home

After a bunch of people who aren’t related gather at a remote ranch for Thanksgiving day, they kind of meander around until Jake “The Body” Steinfeld arrives to murder them in a PCP fueled rage. Slip a syringe under your tongue, hide the peas, and get your KISS paint on because we are about to get body slammed by Home Sweet Home.

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1.31 Night of the Demons

After Angela invites a bunch of odd balls to an old funeral parlor for a Halloween party, things get out of hand when they perform a seance. They accidentally release an ancient evil that turns the party goers into hideous demons that are down to fuck. This is the quintessential horror movie for the Halloween season, Dumpster Dwellers! Grab your lipstick, some sour balls, and don’t forget extra batteries for the boom box because we are about to be possessed by Night of the Demons.

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1.28 Idle Hands

When a certain evil force looks to possess the laziest fuck up it can find, stoner and general layabout Devon Sawa becomes the perfect host. Why does it only control his right hand? We don’t know! After killing his parents (we hardly knew you Fred Willard) and best friends, Seth Green and Foggy Nelson, Devon must stop his evil hand before it kills Jessica Alba, the only woman interested in his stank ass. So grab yourself some Burger Jungle, rip your Mighty Joe Bong, and cut off just one of your hands, because this is Idle Hands.

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1.27 An American Werewolf in Paris

We’re kicking this Trick or Trash month off with a flaming jack-o’-lantern full of werewolf shit! Tom Everett Scott and his fuck boy friends head to Paris to bungee jump off the Eiffel Tower. Instead they get drunk and save a suicidal Julie Delpy from ridding the world of her violent lunar activities. Unfortunately for us, this movie happens as the result. As a direct sequel to one of the greatest werewolf movies of all time, this is the poster child for studio meddling and running a project straight into the ground. Tie off your bungee cord, rip open a pack of condom gum, and shoot yourself up with some moon juice because we are about to be mauled by An American Werewolf in Paris.

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1.24 Devon’s Ghost: Legend of the Bloody Boy

After two idiots reopen the old Angel Grove High School across the street from the site of a legend-laden local homicide, the black and yellow Power Rangers need to face their greatest adversary yet—a dick in a baseball jersey. Co-written by Karan Ashley and co-directed by Johnny Yong Bosch, we all can’t help but have one big question: what the hell were they thinking? Put on your birthday present from grandma, grab that Power Morpher, and make sure you don’t get intimate with anyone because we are stepping up to bat with Devon’s Ghost: The Legend of the Bloody Boy. IT’S MORPHIN’ TIME!

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1.23 Dark Forest

When Emily joins her friends on a weekend getaway, her psychotic and controlling husband, Peter, takes a trip to the Black Lodge and decides that murdering them all is the only option. Or something. Send some dick pics, grab that plastic knife your dad used to kill your mom, and follow us as we make a trek through the extremely well lit Dark Forest, eh?

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1.21 Mosquito

After a War of The Worlds reject crash lands on earth, its body becomes a quick lunch for a bunch of mosquitoes. And wouldn’t ya know it? The alien blood makes them grow into huge, radioactive, killing machines. It’s up to Leatherface, Patrick Swayze, a biologist (?), Isaac Hayes, and a park ranger to stop the winged menaces from infesting the world. Slather on some deet and lube up that proboscis because we are about to suck on Mosquito.

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1.20 Uncle Sam

Sam Harper is a 100% full blooded, grade-A bag of shit. After getting shot down during some “friendly fire” over Kuwait, the military ships his body back to his life-long abusees. His nephew can’t understand why everyone is so down on his uncle after all of his heroic endeavors. That is, until people start turning up dead. Isaac Hayes literally brings out the big guns for this patriotic piece of cinematic trash. Grab some BBQ and light up those fireworks because we are giving salute to good ol’ Uncle Sam.

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1.19 Tetsuo: The Iron Man

A creepy, semi-magical being known only as the Metal Fetishist seeks revenge on a salaryman who ran him over while getting a blow job. An experimental art film from Shin’ya Tsukamoto, in the vein of Lynch and Cronenberg, comes a monochrome acid trip into stop-motion fever dreams and bloody body horror. Grab your oil can and mind the dick drill because we’re about to be assimilated by Tetsuo: The Iron Man.

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1.16 Frankenstein’s Army

At the end of WWII, a troop of Russian soldiers on a secret mission stumble upon the Langford Lab where Karel Roden is making Silent Hill rejects. Finish assembling your Zombot because we’re about to dissect Frankenstein’s Army.

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1.15 The Runestone

After stumbling upon an ancient Norse artifact in Pennsylvania, noted art collector and womanizer, Martin Almquist, brings his find to the big city—and all hell breaks loose. With the help of Thor, a prophetic cry baby, and a foul-mouthed detective, Martin’s ex-wife and lover have to bring down the Nordic God of Bad Creature Design. Dig out your Grandpa’s mythological axe, and pack plenty of strawberry PEZ because the boys are Big Apple bound to try and decipher The Runestone.

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1.13 House of the Dead

A group of twenty-somethings travel to Isla Nublar for the rave of the century, but instead find it infested with zombies and light beer. Based on the classic arcade rail shooter and directed by Uwe Boll, even Clint Howard can’t save this movie. Pour one out for Das Boot, because this is House of the Dead.

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1.10 Frankenstein Unbound

Future scientist, John Hurt, stumbles and fumbles through time in his quest to court Mary Shelly. With the help of Victor Frankenstein and the Delorean, he just might pull it off. This is what Frankenstein fan fiction looks like: Frankenstein Unbound.

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1.9 Monster in the Closet

When a slew of closet murders go unsolved, up-and-coming reporter and Christopher Reeves impersonator, Richard Clark, travels to a small California town for answers. With the help of Paul Walker, Torgo, and that woman from Days of Our Lives, Clark battles a giant McNugget to save the world. Marking the acting debuts of Paul Walker and Fergie, this film adds nothing to their résumés. Grab your xylophone and a hearty supply of Crunch bars because we’re going on a hunt for Monster in the Closet.

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1.6 Venom

Poor Ray just wants to do the right thing and of course, no good deed goes unpunished. When a suitcase full of voodoo enhanced snakes turns him into Jason Voorhees, he disposes of the most vapid cast of characters this side of the Mississippi. Unfortunately, we don’t get to see any of it. Make sure you grab your grandma’s Baka and a cold beer because we are about to milk some Venom.

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