2.2 Dragonball: Evolution

Highschool student Goku is a martial artist with lightning fast reflexes, who just happens to be a white dude. After alien dark elf Piccolo drops a house on his grandpa, Goku joins up with Bulma and Muten Roshi to gather the magical dragonballs to stop him…or something. Akira Toriyama is rolling in his grave and he’s not even dead. Take a deep breath, channel your ki, and practice that Kamehameha until Ernie Hudson is satisfied! For the love of god, this is Dragonball: Evolution.

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1.25 Guyver: Dark Hero

He’s back and he’s better than ever! Sort of. A year after defeating David Gale, Solid Snake…err Sean Barker is having strange dreams about killing things. It turns out he has another purpose besides being a violent vigilante of the night—hitchhike to Utah and molest an ancient alien spacecraft. Grab a 30 pack of Bud Dry, and some bear-werewolf-rhinoman repellent because we are about to biomorph with Guyver: Dark Hero.

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1.22 The Guyver

After Sean face-plants into a one-of-a-kind alien armor prototype, he teams up with Luke Skywalker to bring down David Gale’s Chronos Corporation and its army of Ninja Turtles. As a mostly faithful anime adaption, Screaming Mad George and Steve Wang deliver the goods for this beast-beatin’ romp of amazing practical effects. Behold as Jimmie Walker transforms into Jar Jar Binks before your very eyes—and then gets his ass kicked. Also, Mark Hamill turns into a cockroach. The Zoanoid shit has finally hit the fan, so grab your plastic lunchbox filled with bio-booster armor because we are about to transform with The Guyver. DYN-O-MITE!

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1.7 Death Note

The American adaption nobody asked for! Nat Wolff whines a lot and kills people with a magic notebook he gets from the Green Goblin, while Lakeith Stanfield squats on everyone’s furniture and eats candy. Overstuffed, underdeveloped, and unwelcome, summon your Shinigami and for the love of God put our names in the Death Note.

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Logo Artwork by David De Forne